The "L" Bomb

It has come out! On to a new adventure! 


The "L" Bomb. 


I call it that because that is pretty much what it is. Its always a life changing thing. Whether for the good or for the bad. It changes things. For better or for worse, that's up for debate. In this case, I'd have to go with the good. Especially since we both reciprocated the "L" Bomb with open arms- no shields necessary here. 


Love is always tricky. New love is the trickiest. It can fool you. You only know true love once you have given it time. Love never really fades; being IN love can, but loving someone does not. It is a fickle thing. Doesn't even have to be the love of a significant other, but any kind of love. But the love I am talking about here is the IN love kind. The butterflies, head over heels, world spinning kind of love.. 


When it is new, it can be scary, almost unbelievable. That is definitely the case for me. I am in some kind of shock. I know how I feel. That is as solid as this can get. But I am in this haze of disbelief that he feels the same.


For me, this is a familiar feeling in a sense. I loved him a long time ago. Granted, I was young and not too many people would believe that I could possibly know what love was back then. I am still very firm about my emotions- how I felt then was not obsolete because of age. I know what I felt then just as I know what I feel now. I pushed it as far down inside of me behind everything, and now he is back in my life it has resurfaced. But for him it was not the same. I had to face the facts that he would never feel the same for me as I did for him all those years ago, so I left. Now he is back, and my thoughts remained the same- "The kid could never love me." The little Joe inside him wouldn't allow it I'm sure... Haha. I suppose I was wrong. But I still have my doubts. I know I shouldn't but I think that from that mindset along with the bad breakup I just had- makes any kind of optimism that I should have a little jaded. 


With each day that passes I am starting to feel more and more comfortable with the idea of it. Now I just pray it lasts. I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want to deal with the loss of another love. 


Sometimes I fear that I am the type of girl that could be easy to fall in love with; but I am also the type of girl that is easy to fall out of love with. Almost every guy I have ever dated (which is a very minuscule amount) have told me that they loved me. I did not share the feeling with a couple of them. Just two. One being Joe of course. But look- I am no longer with the other guys who claimed they loved me. I have been pushed out and left on the side of the road. Will that be the course of my life? Will that happen to me again? From time to time, I can't help but wonder- will I end up with no one because I am impossible to be with forever? 


There really is no answer to that I guess so I am taking things day by day. All I can really do is let this happen. Drop that protective mechanism that I always put up and sink into him. If life has any kindness, this will work. I stopped trying to plan the future. I'm letting go and I'm falling in. Just don't let me hit rock bottom this time. Keep me up because I can't crash and burn again.