Dead End

So, I've been thinking... as per usual since I am known by all as an "overthinker..."

what exactly interests me?

I DON'T KNOW.

Wow. There it is.

I have no fucking clue what interests me at this point. Honestly, this has always been a problem of mine, I never really know what I want, unless it has to do with a man. I know what I enjoy... drinking... reading... writing... editing... books... heat... sun... love.... hate.... emotion... but all of these things lead to either AA or therapy. The three things involved in my interests, ya know.. the reading, writing and editing are of the norm of interests but no one wants me for that! After a while, hearing all those crickets after sending your resume out into the wind in every direction can be pretty discouraging. I'm sure a majority of America knows what I am talking about considering so many are unemployed (which I am not therefore, I should be thankful, which I am... in that respect) but as an well-educated, well-spoken, hard-working AMERICAN I am down in the dumps here. My ego is stabbed every time I send one out and get nothing back. Maybe I am less intelligent, witty and well-written than I thought. Not that I thought highly of myself to begin with but this is just making it worse.

I am ranting... The point is that since I am stuck in my horrible, low-paying, dead-end job, I need something to keep my occupied on my off time. I have come to the conclusion that for most of my life I have been waiting. Waiting for him to come home. Why? WHY?! I mean, I have gotten better with it over time being that I will leave the house and try to be somewhat productive but lately I have been getting antsy. Shopping even isn't doing it for me lately... CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! Me, not getting my kicks out of shopping?!

I have that numb feeling again. I hardly enough know how to describe it other than that. I need something new. I don;t know what it is yet but I need it. I am getting impatient. Moving in is pretty much finalized and I can hardly believe it. Its as if there is some kind of block in my head and nothing is registering. I need a feeling. I love to write and even when I try and get through a blog I feel as though I am rushing through it and I no longer want to continue. Like right now.