My Favorite Holiday

It's that time of year again. The Christmas music has begun, people are scurrying around putting their decorations up, holidays sales are being advertised full force. The season has finally arrived. 


Please bear in mind that the upcoming holiday which is, in fact, Thanksgiving, NOT Christmas. Being that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, one can imagine how unhappy I currently am. An example of my frustration: while walking through the streets of Manhattan yesterday, I took note of how Mulberry Street seemed to have been vomited on by Santa Claus. Blerg. 


How can people overlook a holiday that is all about giving thanks for what you have? The most genuine holiday out of them all is practically skipped over to celebrate the one that is the most superficial! I discovered a long time ago how frivolous Christmas really is and that thought process has never left me. My dislike for Christmas requires an entire blog entry of its own; that is not the purpose of this one right now so let's leave that to another day.


As I pointed out above, my favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. Every year this becomes more concrete for me. Not only is it a wonderful time for me to indulge in my mother's delicious cooking, where gluttony is socially acceptable for one day, but it is the one day in a year that I know where I am going to be. Home. 


My father suggested going to the George Washington Manor for Thanksgiving dinner this year and I almost died. Of course, I squashed that idea real quick and things are going as per usual. 


I fear this upcoming Thursday though because it is going to be different. One thing I know that I am already thankful for is that Dani will be coming over for Thanksgiving and staying with me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I was terrified of having a depressing Thanksgiving. 


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Thanksgiving was a time of year I always looked forward to as a child. It was the one holiday that we celebrated with my mother's side of them family and not my father's. I always got very excited to see my mother's side of the family because I knew that would mean I could see my brother. Yes. I was glad to see my cousins, aunts and uncles; but it was always my big brother that I couldn't wait to see. 


Weldon was always the life of the party and could make any dull event entertaining. Plus, since he was big I always enjoyed watching how much food he would hound down. Haha.


I remember waking up to the aromas of my mother's turkey cooking in the oven. Immediately, I would jet into the living room and throw on the Thanksgiving Day parade so I could  marvel at all the awesome balloons. I was never upset about not being there because I knew how cold it was and I was perfectly content with staying home jittering with excitement waiting for my brother to come. He always made sure to be the first to arrive before everyone else came. Made me a happy kid to see him first because I would beg him to hurry up and get his butt over to the house. 


Some of my fondest memories of Weldon directly correlate with Thanksgiving. I think that is the reason I love it so much. He always filled this apartment with his presence. No matter what room he was in, you knew he was there. 


As time went on, my mother's side of the family stopped coming, he was the only one who was consistent. I got older and began bringing friends, Dani and Tom, sometimes Chris. Weldon began bringing his friends but nothing ever changed with us. I still got that excited feeling knowing that I would be able to spend time with my brother. He would come and fight me for the remote, as always. His tactic of winning, sitting on me. It was never a fair fight. A 350 pound man versus a 110 pound teenager. I always lost the physical fight but with some tactic I would win. 


My tiny apartment was filled. We were all happy. Its a feeling and an image I can't let go of. I know my mother feels it too, especially now that its not the same. More than his birthday, more than the anniversary of his death, my mother and I feel him the most on Thanksgiving. I know she always wants the same thing I want every year. Just home. So we can wish he was with us for just a little while. So we can remember him fighting my father to carve the turkey, hear him laugh, watch him eat... 


I know it sounds really depressing but its not. I don't have much of him left. I never got to spend a lot of time with him when I was younger. So this is what I have. I yearn for company though on this day. I guess as much as I want to just sit and remember him, I still need distractions. If I think about it too much it won't be a fulfilling thing for me anymore, it will just make me sad. So I am thankful that Dani is joining me for Thanksgiving. 


I am thankful that I have this holiday to remember my brother.
I am thankful that I am happy again.
I am thankful that I am pulling through the changes that I have undergone within the past few months.


I am thankful for the memories I have left.